After 7 years of marriage, I’m done with doing things that only HURT my marriage instead of helping it. Last year, I wrote a post on 6 things I learned in 6 years of marriage. This year on our 7th anniversary(TODAY!) I’m holding myself accountable for the things I do that need to change.
Saying things that are hurtful…on purpose
When you’ve been with someone a significant amount of time you know what button to press to make them mad or hurt. Sometimes all it takes is a couple of words and the damage is done. Words that can’t be taken back and take a long time to forget.
Telling my husband no when he wants a massage
Who doesn’t love to get any type of massage after a long day? Sometimes when my hubby and I are on the couch watching our favorite show he’ll ask me if I can give him a quick massage. I always feel so tired that most of the time I say no. But I’m making a commitment to always say yes when he wants a massage. If this is one small way I can show my husband love I need to not pass up these opportunities in our busy busy lives. Really though, it’s the least I can do for everything he does.
Bringing up the past
I have a great memory, especially in an argument with my husband. (I’m sure most women can agree with me) We might be discussing how I dropped the ball on something and to try to get the attention off of my mistake, ‘ll bring up a similar situation that happened 3 years ago on a Wednesday night that he did wrong. Sometimes we learn from the past and need to move on. Turning the tables on my spouse only brings hurt feelings and doesn’t resolve anything.
The one who forgives never brings up the past up that perosn’s face. When you forgive, it’s like it never happened. True forgiveness is comeplete and total. – Luis Zampenini
I’m the queen of taking everything the wrong way. Something is said I get defensive and after a long discussion, I realize my husband never even meant it the way I took it. Whoops… This one is really tough because I react to what is said before I can give him the benefit of the doubt or maybe I can at least ask him what he meant before reacting.
Not being spontaneous enough
I’m one of the least spontaneous people that you’d meet. I like structure, rules, etc. The other day my mom was in town (can anyone say free babysitter!?) And my hubby thought it would be fun to go to Shreveport for dinner..on a Thursday night.. and at first I said no…really… My Husband wanted to go on a date and I said no. Pitiful. These days in the world of marriage and kids being spontaneous is going to dinner an hour away on a weekday! So this is me saying yes to this type of spontaneity.
Being more thoughtful
My husband’s love language is receiving gifts. Which unfortunately is the last one on my list. I’m not very good at this either. Some of my excuses for dropping the ball on this in the past:
- I’m not creative.
- I’m frugal (aka cheap).
- I don’t personally like presents.
- I don’t have time.
Well, like I said these are my excuses and they aren’t very good ones. We all want our spouse to speak our love language. So, this is me stepping up to the plate to speak his.
Not putting our marriage first
Other than our relationship with God I strongly believe marriages should come second. Not the kids, not work, not friends, not our hobbies. Yet here it is on my list. The other night my husband and I were talking about life in general and he said, “Sometimes life gets hard and stressful with everything that we have going on, but if you and I are not good it makes it 10 times worse.” And I completely agree. Life is hard and sucks sometimes. It is so much harder when he and I are bickering about silly things and just not on the same page.
The last 7 years of marriage we’ve gone through so much welcoming 4 babies, 2 of which were twins, a miscarriage, job changes, buying a new home, the list goes on and on. I’ve learned so much about love, patience, sticking together with him – my best friend. I know that change ALWAYS starts with me so here is to another great year of us learning and growing together.